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My advice, however, is to not assume anything about your new/old partner, but to relearn about this person.In your time apart, your ex could have done a multitude of really cool things, like contemplating a new career path, getting really into meditation or become the biggest Chicago Bulls fan in the world. Was he thinking of me in those long years between husbands when I dated dud after dud after dud, thinking no one would ever really get me? It was as if someone reshuffled all my memories, upgrading each one. I even have an “audience” of readers and a long list of students and clients who see what it seems Rob saw back then. You might even say I am popular.◊♦◊Still, for months I continued to wonder…How might it have been different if I had known Rob was thinking of me? I might have had substance and soul as well, but I was an outsider. Was he thinking of me the day I left that husband, giving up my children for half of every week? If I had known he waited to marry until he found the woman who made him feel the way I had? Maybe that invisible force that binds us all in love, whatever we might choose to call it, has surrounded me all these years. Maybe that’s why I left my oh-so-not-like-Rob first husband. The story plays out like this: Rob was an awesome guy, and more popular than me in high school. I had not been alone, even though I had thought I was. My kindness did not go unnoticed, and in fact it had mattered more than my looks or my popularity. Today I have a beautiful life—one I could never have believed I would find back then. If I had known such a man was measuring every girl that came after our one date by the standard of how I made him feel? )And then, just as I was considering writing this very article, it dawned on me: Maybe I did know.Without the time apart and the people they dated in between, Lucy says they would have never been able to connect meaningfully the second time around.

There was no, ' You're so beautiful.' It was not a person I saw as the father of my children." The couple split for a little over a year, a time in which they remained distant friends. I had some experiences that made me feel much more sexually curious than I ever had during that initial relationship." When they did get back together, Lucy credited a "physical spark" that hadn't been there the first time but become evident upon reuniting.

But no one had ever made me feel like you made me feel. Afterwards, I didn’t know what to think or what to do.”Like a bullet ricocheting down a long set of narrow alley walls, I was trying to make sense of it. “I was sure it wouldn’t go over well,” he continued. But it took me a few days to really grasp what he’d said.

But like most of my high school “loves,” it was one date and done.◊♦◊Advance thirty-plus years. He later says seeing me there took his breath away. It feels important to note here that I am deeply happy in my marriage. So whatever “this” was, it wasn’t about a clandestine affair or a reunion that would dramatically change four lives. “I didn’t know how to stop living my superficial life, to stop caring what other people thought.

A 2013 from the Journal of Adolescent Research found that 44% of young adults ages 17 to 24 have gotten back together with an ex in the last two years.

The key might be personal growth: Our younger years are full of on-and-off relationships, or what researchers call "relationship churning," due to the uncertainty that comes with that time in life.

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